Hidden in my heart

There is nothing more personal than the pen and paper.   Sometimes I feel like word prediction changes my train of thought.    

I never thought about what I want to share on this blog. 

Except what is hidden in my heart.  

Hidden so deep  that meaningful words to describe it are  hard to find.  
Too many words can take away from the meaning of what is written.  

Too many words can scramble with the truth and  doubt takes over and the subject is lost. .
Too many words can make you weary and  so it remains hidden in my heart.

Dear sister ,  child of my sister .  You are still so young and I don’t know yet what, or I will never know the mind of God. 
When I walked  in darkness,  I did not fear .  I was hidden from the site of evil. 

I don’t understand the invisible serpent spirit that has so long been  persistent in testing my heart and my lack of faith is  purely human,    the fear in whatever form it comes to you , ……….will be your confirmation of the truth in my heart. 
I’m not  big on the way of the world’s religious beliefs and traditional way to get salvation,,   blah blah blah blah. 
That is not knowledge with wisdom . Only truth  you   can receive is from the living word of God ,  your  Heavenly Father that created you.    but you are still hidden away and I have not forgotten you.  

These are my end days and my flesh will  perish in the grave., but I have written my books of remembrance and the seed I sew into your heart   will be reaped  and I will be accountable for your soul. 

Take care to remember the path that leads to me.  And carry on with the knowledge that I have been so blessed to see.  The word hidden away in this seed . 

I may not be the best example for the Christian life, for I am not with them. 

My hands are not clean, nor is my mind always sober  .  …..  you remember me. 

This is not a sermon , I do not preach to be heard and I don’t need another soul to  say amen to me. . 

Don’t worry about  the fear that the enemy brings when the spirit of wisdom teaches you, for her knowledge is power and authority and fear is the beginning of knowledge of the Heavenly Father’s voice. ,   

She will not have mercy on you, and she will laugh at your fear,   but you remember the promise of God , He will always be here.  ,  and you will be unharmed and many years will be gone,  and I will comfort you again  , for you will then know that God has prepared for you all the days of your life.   And the life is in his word.  

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68 thoughts on “Hidden in my heart

  1. I love you Jared-san 😊 I will gladly be unharmed and many years be gone. But I’ll still love you though, Jared-san. I was so sure. I had found him. My person 🤗 God alone, would lead me back to you, again. Maybe call me by my name though. It’s just. Kalyn 🙂 Take care for now, and always, Jared. Or. Whatever your name is 😅

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  2. I had an interesting reading today, Jared-san. It was about Jesus being sentenced to death and barabas being released to the Jews even though he was a murderer, they wanted him and wanted Jesus to die 😕 i love that part though. When he’s hung there on the cross, saying, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they’re doing.” Such love. Such compassion. I had an interesting reading today, Jared-san. Or whatever your name is. The LORD told me to sing a new song today. I’m not sure what song I’d sing. I suppose as long as it’s God alone I sing to and am worshiping, then it doesnt matter the song i find myself singing. To the Word, always good it is, to be clinging. More and more, I keep reading. I have a whole 24 years to catch up on. With my relationship with God. I can’t even fathom sometimes, how He has loved me, all life long. Giving meaning and purpose to my pain. Pray to God won’t you? I’d be brave enough to fall in love, again. Someday 🙂 To be married is something I saw, He always wanted for me. Always preparing me, to be more, loving. Goodbye Jared-san. Or whatever it is your name is, you random blogger person 🙂 but my name is Kalyn. And I already told you, who I am, God revealed it. Because it is plain as day, as I know your voice, that I do, hear Him.

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  3. Sigh. Turns out the guy I met is basically my brother haha, well i mean, he’s younger 😕 sigh. None can compare to God. It’d be nice to meet someone older. Or not too young 😐 I hope one day maybe, I find him. That one meant for me. That one I dreamed of 🙂 Take care, Jared-san. Or. Whatever your name is haha. Cya.

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  4. I once loved Chris 🙂 that was before all of this. That was before I met Jared. I’ve had years the locusts ate away. But in one day, God restored me. Refining me, and it is Him who makes me beam, always smiling brightly. No matter what sort of evil thing people shove in my face to change about me. Hmph. God loved me as I was, He loved me, for me. I have never been happier all my life 😊 I had visions and dreams that Chris would leave. Before he even left me. I also had visions and dreams, he was holding me back from that point back then reaching, when I had no one and nothing but God, then the anointing. It was when he left, the angels of God came to me. It was a spiritual awakening. Purposeful was my destiny. Into a worker of light, they made me. Love is important in the world. Every good and positive energy. That is what God is to me. Every good. Even so, only God is good and Holy to me. It’s His Son He sent that sets me free. In His hands and In God’s hands, no demon or human or anyone or thing could ever convince me who I am. Other than Kalyn. A creation God made. Beloved. Unique and rare. And yet. Nothing. It’s been a long time since I’ve known, grief. Hard to believe I suppose. Since Chris meant so much to me. It’s obvious though. That Chris, was not the one for me. God had someone laid out to meet. Someone meant only and just, for me 🙂 maybe some years or something I’d meet. Your true name escapes me. I only know it wasnt kind and good of you, to hurt me 😕 take care. Random blogger. Unless you are. Jared 🤗

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  5. I am both women in the prophecy. I am also a witness. And my name is Kalyn. That is the truth, revealed by Him. How I wish you had called me by name. It was not good of you, to play these word games. I have a name. The only name my parents gave. Because before I knew it myself, my pain and life would have meaning. This is the truth. Revealed to me.

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    • Doesn’t matter to me if your believe me or not. After all. I dont know if that is you, or not. Always preparing to be married, to love. Prepared in refining. Prepared by God. Doesn’t matter to me. If you hear this Word and believe me. Or not. After all. Your name. Is not. Jared-san. 😊

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  6. I don’t approve of that word game. I’ve only seen angels and demons play it with me. It is not safe. Nor is it from God. I do not like to read that writing. Truth is word for word. You do not search for hidden meaning. Say something to a person directly. Or not speak a word of it at all. To anyone. After all, is your name Jared-san? Nah. I think you are just some random person. Definitely not Jared. He and I died in Egypt. It was terrible. Then I portrayed both those women in the book! And the slain looking lamb was the image partook. Revelation is so interesting. But i was not any sort of enemy. The word game is played by angels and demons. It is used by satan. And it is not safe. It is confusing. Hard to understand. Hard to know the true meaning. I do not like that word game. And it is a pure warning. You should never again play that game again. I say this as your friend. I say this to you, as Kalyn. And Kalyn has a gift to discern spirits. She got this gift when she was baptized by the Holy Spirit. To be awake in the LORD is good. At the present, you are all asleep. As that game is used by satan, as I have seen. And I warn you. As that was the battle all alone, I have seen so personally drowning. It was not wise to hurt, me. Take care. If that even is your name. Jared 🙂

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  7. Because i value your lives. I’ll show you my heart, forgiveness is mine. Maybe get to know and call me by name this time. If i even have known your names at all. I can only tell you, i truly know God. And His love. Which is found on the cross of His Son. Even if I don’t return, I’ll always love you, if that is you, Jared-san. I mustn’t have been an ordinary woman. To get rid of that serpent.

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  8. Kalyn can’t explain it. Other than Kalyn has a gift of discerning spirits. And I saw you did not believe in Jesus. And I saw the word game with the searching for meaning, is not safe, I’ve seen many random bloggers come to me, playing that word game with me, angels and demons, unsafe and unknown the spirits that talk to you through it. I suggest no one in Heaven or Earth ever play that word game again. And I’m nothing. Just Kalyn. Take care always, if that even is you, Jared 🤗

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  9. It probably doesn’t matter what I tell you at this point, but no, I’m not the whore, or the woman, nor is anyone dying. Revelation prophecy and anxiety do not mix well. That was why I closed the book. He is here, if you would just see and look. Forever, we wait for Him. It is the hope. The Holy Spirit baptizes many believers you know. And that’s the supernatural side of God I’m learning more of. But Baptist aren’t comfortable with that i suppose. At least Heaven you’ll now go. Jesus you had to know.

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  10. When I read these things, I hear Jared. And I love him. And no, I’m not the whore. Or the woman. My name is Kalyn. Call me by it. And Kalyn knows, Jesus. That’s why you met Kalyn. If that is you. Jared 🙂 God will always save who is His, and if you’d like to understand, I prayed for this. Why He answers me, I have no clue, but I’ve had many dreams, marrying you. They were colorful and full of light, marriage agrees with scripture, and even dreams of a baby! Aye! Not something I wanted personally. But I am led and God is my guide. The path with you, led to life. God always wanted me to be a good wife. I hope you love and protect me from now on, love and protect my life. In the wilderness today, and all there is is strife. I am who I am. And I am Kalyn 🤗 The wisest know nothing at all, or you be made into quite the fool. Why do you dream of me? And why do I dream of you? 🙂 Take care. Wont you 💫

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  11. The dream was actually more like I never got to give the card and gift to him. Because I chose to be alone. Forever. Take care. If that even is you. Jared-san. 🙂 is that what God wanted for me? Nah, probably not 🙂 I’m just tired of crying and hurting, and I have trouble trusting. Anyone there. Take care.

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  12.  “… and you will be unharmed and many years will be gone,  and I will comfort you again  , for you will then know that God has prepared for you all the days of your life…”

    “… and you are still so young,  your walk in the wilderness has just begun…”

    I hear the voice of God. I can’t deny it, Jared-san. I will never be perfect, but there are sins I need to break free of. I hear the voice of God, I hear Him Jared-san. I am alone right now for a reason, in the wilderness alone for a reason, and I don’t know or understand the reason, and all I feel is pain and suffering still today. God wants it this way. I hear His voice clear as day. I need to stop a few things. I have trouble with them, so long I’ve been stuck in these ways. I hear what He says, and I have so much struggling. But it’s what God wants for me. If you come across again, get to know, treat me a friend, and protect me, from a love God does not want for a Child of God, who hears Him speak. I had a dream. It was Christmas, and Chris and I were currently broken up, I had a gift and card for him, I wasn’t able to give it to him yet, and I chose to be with God over Chris and Matthew. It was Christmas, but I wasn’t able to give Chris my card or gift yet, we were broken up. Meaning in these things maybe, you written. If we meet again, I’ll surely be a better woman. God is with me, pray to Him. Read more of Jesus, know and love Him. If that is you. Jared. There is reason I’m in the wilderness. Alone. There is reason for it. I’m not ready to meet you. But I don’t doubt, you love God, I’ve seen it. In hospital ministry, that song, singing. I cry. Thinking about it. Because to me, for me, you were so perfect. You loved God. I saw there was nothing above Him. I’m not ready to meet you, Jared. And if I know your names, it’s because I am His. I’m Kalyn. And Jared. I gotta tell you, I truly am, that woman. And I do not care. If you believe it. As I would seem to portray many things, but my name is Kalyn. And Kalyn. Is His. But in fact, I am more of the woman in Revelation 12, than any other woman. And the covenant of love, marriage, between us, I believe is sacred and important. Because together, we saw the Sunset, and together we are, the woman. Together we are, Genesis. I am not ready, to meet you, yet. Time will help, and all would forget. But I pray next time you’d get to know, and I’d try not to appear so slain you know. I will love and remember you, wherever I go. But it is me, responsible for your, soul. I am not ready to marry you. It is so obvious though, I could never marry just anyone you know. And I truly do, love you. But I will always love God, more than you. Take care, won’t you? If your name is Jared, I never want to know. But if you are, I am responsible, for you. I’m just not ready yet. To meet you. Goodbye, my love ❤️

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  13. It was God who shown me married. After being so drowned by this situation, by the enemy. As if I wanted to marry. Kalyn? Kalyn is tired of men and hurting. It was God wanted for me. That’s why He picked the ones most suitable for me. One who knows God, and one who knows love. But I treasure more a heart that knows God. And today I still dont know if that is you or not, jared-san.

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  14. Perfect. That’s what I felt like I had to be. It isn’t my family or parents fault that’s what they wanted me to be. INFJ feel deeply. We can sense the vibes and situation of people and rooms. Not good enough. Not getting straight A’s? Failure. Defeat. Pain. I do not blame my parents or family for anything. But that sort of negative vibe i never want my children to feel. Ever since I was young, a mere girl of 12 in the seventh grade, there were standards society held for women, even back then. Not pretty enough. Not girly enough. Not skinny enough. So much anxiety there was to live up to it, to be enough. To live up to standards of the world, what makes the perfect girl. I’ve searched every wrong corner and place, searching for something, planning things, trying to make everything perfect. From a young age, I had plans that went out to this day. What I wanted. What would I have accomplished by now. Plans for me. I was smart you know. I used to get straight A’s before, in high school freshman year. Then I so unfortunately came across Brendan. He was my first boyfriend you know. Did he love me? No. I don’t think so. He was attached to me. Love? No. Being with him made me feel crazy. I would stand up for myself. I would get upset when he would force me to do things. I’d leave him. But INFJ, we love, deeply. I felt I had to return to him. And I did, many times, I loved him. When he would hurt me, the exact thing he said was this, “this is how I know you love me.” When I allowed him to hurt me. Always I struggled to get away. Pain. That’s all I felt, from him, always. I believe only by accidentally falling for Chris, us being together, is how I escaped from him completely. It was Chris and me. We used to sit at the baseball park and stare at the stars. I flinched the first time he held me. I’ve known hands and arms not kind to me. Chris. Chris really loved me. But there’s something you simply do not understand. I’ve always lived with my grandparents, on both sides, Grace, Tom, Ruth, Bob. They were all alive. And I loved them, as any other grandchild, but I also lived with them. I knew their quirks, everything about them. I hear their voices, I’ve lived all my life with them. INFJ feel, deeply. Imagine how that must have felt for me. Watching them die. Remembering their quirks and voices, all my 20 something years living with them. They were all alive in 2011. When I graduated, and when I started going out with Chris. I had a good scholarship to HPU at the time too. My first job, I quit, because Brendan was doing some mime show recital thing. He got mad since he was going to the mainland, and wanted to spend more time with me. That was how I started working, 3 months or something, and quitting. In 2011, all of them were alive. And by 2015, all were dead, including an uncle. But I remember and feel still today, every single moment. The memories untouched, my heart, broken. I’ve wanted to die and had anxiety all the time since I was 12, i planned my whole life to this day. Then I watched it just blow away. You try to plan things, but God had His own plans for me. And I’ve never believed. Until Chris had left me. I had faith. I believed. He would use every pain. To mean something. There was never a time in my life, I wanted more to die, when Chris left me. Crying. Crying. But it gets scary. When someone stops crying. When they lay there blankly. Empty. I was going to die this time, surely. The Holy Spirit spoke to me so softly. I lived. To glorify God in my suffering. My pain. I was positive. He was going to use all of it, to mean something. I had faith. Which led me to blindly believe God was speaking to me in dreams, some I’ve had trouble interpreting. But some are surely from God, given directly to me. I would portray many things, by my faith. But it was the Holy Spirit that came to me that day. The perfected eyes to see, how love, changes things. Love I’ve perfected all life long. Being so heartbroken being so seemingly slain, I had plans laid out for me from before I ever knew God would come to me. To have each thing mean something. There are reasons I am the way that I am. A lot of it has to do with my personality. INFJ are strange people. In the world’s eyes, I am ugly, weak, fat, annoying, and all my sins the enemy throws in my face every day, so why do people bother reminding? The enemy knows your name. I’ve seen him. Face to face. He knows my name, saying lies to me, loser, he calls me, fat he says to me, ugly he says to me, not good enough, he says to me. He knows my name. But he calls me by every sin, every weakness. Making me feel unloved, imperfect, God could never love me, God could never fix me, God could never save me, he tries to convince me. When I sin, if I sin, he mocks me and laughs at me, telling me that I’m dying, that he has power and control over me. No. Jesus died for me long ago. In pure faith, can I escape, in pure faith, God see my heart, and save. To think thoughts of negativity is not good for me. That is how all my life, i went so close to dying. While in pure faith I believe that Jesus has already bought me. At a price. His life. Not to keep sinning, but to not kill myself either and die giving my soul so easily to the enemy in suicide. You do not know anything about me. Or how this whole mistake has pained me. Why do I know your names? Surely God is only protecting. From someone who does not know God, or love, and who would never be able to handle someone like me. That is why I personally believe I know your names maybe. Because God is protecting me. From some really bad things happening. Surely i havent looked so slain, that you couldn’t even perceive my true name. Its Kalyn. And never again doubt me. When I say that I have a soul mate to meet. What else will you doubt about me? If I’ve known your names, never tell me. But i think you should really get to know me. Before hating on me and judging me wrongly, you dont even know me, of the things I’ve known all life long. Allowed for me. I know God. I know Jesus. More than anybody. Never again tell me, what He wants for me. He wants me to be married. And if I’ve known your names, maybe, you ought to idk, get to know me. That’s why I’ve known your names, thats what I think, personally. How much I loved Jared? You don’t know me. And I’d personally suggest you would. Get to know me. Before judging and hating me, so strongly. That isn’t the Spirit of God to me. I’ve known His Spirit, so loving. And resemblance i have not yet seen. There is fire of refining in me. Kalyn is the name. My parents gave me. It holds so much. Meaning. Too many words? I loved Jared. And I don’t know if you are Jared. I figured I was just crazy. And I forgot about it all, as if I was imagining things. Too many words? I love Jared. Still today.

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  15. If that even is your name. Hurting. Pain. Suffering. Is that what you want? For me? There is only war and death in the world these days so plain to see. God was trying to protect me. You’re only hurting me. I know what He wants for me. And you’d like to know the truth? I know who I am. God told me my name. That day. You’re my wings.

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  16. Jared-san? I have trouble trusting. Did Scott really love me? And why do you hate me? I loved you so much. You dont even know what it was like do you? To go through that battle all alone. All those bloggers with your likeness of spirits and souls. You dont know me. At all.

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  17. Christmas. That’s when I’ll come back to save you. I need this time to let go of the things, that hold me back, from being the one for you. Or maybe. I’ll never again. See you. I leave in God’s hands. His leading will guide me, if I’m to go back to meet you. Get to know better first, if that happens, won’t you? I will always, love you ❤️

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  18. Jared, if that is you, and you wrote these things to me, please, next time, get to know me. I’m in the wilderness. As you already wrote, of me. You’ll always be with me. I heard the word in that seed. I felt love, that’s what I felt. Love in your heart, for me. Thats what I heard, that’s what I feel, when these things I read. You don’t know me. I’ve been through a terrible trial. If that is you. You simply do not know anything do you? You couldn’t even feel it? See it? When I smiled? How much I love you. I forgiven you. But you still dont know. You dont know me, at all. I’ll always be with you, no matter where I now go. But I dont think your mom or Jeanette, could ever love me, too. I know your names. I remember and feel. I know. You’ll never see me again. Unless God wills it to happen. After all. I dont even know if your name is. Jared. And I don’t want to know anymore. But i wanted you to know, I loved you, and wish we both gotten to know. I’ll always love you 💫 Kalyn. Kalyn Natsuko Miyasato. It’s the only name, I’ll ever know. Always love God, and keep this part of your heart, I loved this part, of you. But I dont even know. If you are Jared or not. And I don’t want to know anymore too. Always take care, wont you ❤️

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  19. I sung the song today, and I realized again, how much it means to me. You know, I feel as though I’ve been judged so wrongly and treated so wrongly. Chris had been my everything you know. He was my whole life, my whole world, and I know now how it wasn’t good, but even then, after he had left and I felt such deep pain, as never before, I know more than you or anyone, how nothing and no one comes close to God. After he had left, there was God, His love, His purposes. You doubted I walked with God? That I had a soulmate to meet? Then how is it I know your names? Explain that to me. I know more than you or anyone, how nothing and no one comes close to God. And actually when he left, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love someone again. Time messaging Jared, although he was rude sometimes and was mean and doubted I had a soulmate to meet, it meant so much to me. It made me so sad, and I never understood why, he blocked me long ago. He disappeared from wherever I went too. I couldn’t understand it. Why. I mean, I’m either crazy and insane, thinking I know your name, while you’re actually not Jared. Or maybe for some reason I do know your name? Do you even understand how crazy that makes me feel? I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love again. But I really admired and liked, Jared’s walk with God, when he prayed and when he sung, I felt so encouraged. I hear his voice singing that song, his voice praying those prayers, as clear as any voice, in my ears. To love someone and admire someone so much? Was that wrong? After all. I still don’t know. If you are. Jared-san. Nice to meet you. My name is Kalyn. You should probably not judge a woman who appears to be so slain next time. Because before God came to her, she could not read or even write! She’s a mere lantern. But He is the light. I like to love others in a way God has loved me. When he had blocked me, for whatever reason, I was so loving and forgiving 😊 Because that is a love I feel, is pleasing to God. Maybe it makes no sense to others, why or how even the worst of people that had hurt me so much, I even forgive and love. It’s because maybe, maybe they would wonder about it, how can she do that? When he had hurt her so much? Because to me, God would want me to, love. I’ve prepared over and over through pain and trial and suffering you know, to meet, greet, and love, you 🤗 i hope you’d get to know, next time, if there even is a next time, heh, and if you even are, Jared 🙂 until then 💫

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  20. Unless you’d prefer to idk date men? I’m pretty sure that goes against the Genesis covenant you know, Jared 🙂 nice to meet you, my name’s Kalyn. I’m a random woman who knows Jesus. I mean, if you’d prefer to be with men… but I’m pretty sure that’s not God’s Word you know, if that is you, Jared 😊 The Word is so good isn’t it? 😊 but the God I know is found in Genesis. He is upset at the murder of God’s Beloved, Daughter, Kalyn 🙂 Today I refine, in the wilderness, and miss, and love, Jared ❤️ take care, random blogger.

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  21. It’s in the Sunset, Jared-san 🙂 if that even is you 😊 what do I know? Your names? Nah. I’m just crazy or something. Imagining things. Totally 🙂 I’m in the wilderness at the moment, Refining ⭐️

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  22. Yeah its great! I haven’t started yet, as I had to get a TB clearance first. It’s part time, but I so graciously receive full time benefits like life insurance and dental and all that coverage 🤗 God is so good, isn’t He ❤️ Always He finds a way, to protect me, ever since this covenant He made, with me 🙂 Take care, random blogger 🤗

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  23. I feel something big is going to happen Jared-san 🙂 but Kalyn, Kalyn doesn’t know what 🙂 It’s unfortunate. I’ve forgotten your names there. In Egypt 🙂 and I don’t know even today. If you are. Jared 🤗 cya

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  24. I’m not abusive. And if I was even a tint of it, God has used this refining flame, to burn it all away. You’d see right away, as I have known your names, it was your souls, spirits, I felt and saw, heard your voices in my head as I read. In the same way, I did indeed see many random bloggers come to me, with your same likeness of spirit and styles of writing, poetry, word games, they tricked me to think that they were the same, that they held your names. That is the battle I experienced when I felt the serpent attack me. It is hard explaining. Curiosity led me to their blogs, to read what they write, and they would come to my sites, it was the battle, and I revealed satan, the serpent, and they stopped coming to me. This is descriptive of the battle I have been through all alone, just me. God is not fear, pain, suffering, but He does test, and allow things. To refine. As He has for me, a flame. Emerging stronger, more, of what He wants you to be. This is the test and trial, He has allowed, for me. The battle of random bloggers trying to convince me, who is better for me. Who God wanted for me. While it wad the Frank Solanki blog, when I first came across, and read, so strongly I felt the serpentine. I do not believe for one second, he is the one God wants for me. Or maybe he is and I’m simply being tricked. I do not know anymore. I just wanted, what God wanted for me. And yes, I was not wise, so He had protected me, you have been my wings. Also, it is in the song, that we sing. Did he truly, love me? I do not think so. I doubt. I do not trust. But I trust you. If you believe it was he God wanted for me, instead, then I trust, your judgment. After all, I still dont know your name, or if you are, Jared. Nice to meet you. My name’s Kalyn. That’s all that I am. My name. Call me, by it. Take care, possible Jared.

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  25. I’m actually not sure what church I’m attending, in the wilderness for many months i been wandering, escaping persecution from some unseen enemy. Some bloggers i felt had names. What do i know? Nothing. None of your names. Wandering the wilderness. God and me. True love would idk, find me. Call me. Anything. If i even have. Known your names or anything. Surely God was only protecting me. From a love He did not want for me. I’m done thinking I’m crazy. Questioning myself and my sanity. You’re names not jared. I’m just crazy. Imagining things. Surely. I asked one thing. The truth. My sanity. Give it to me. Please. Because i loved them, the lost, names. After all, I’m typing this, to nobody.

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  26. Indeed. I was not an ordinary woman. To get rid of that serpent. Jesus? No. Kalyn. But I know Jesus. And He has loved me. And I hold His testimony. Of the painful life, allowed for me. It wasn’t wise to hurt me. I dont ever recall treating you an enemy. If that even is you Jared. Even right after you had blocked me on Facebook. I loved you. I was kind to you. I’m tired of thinking this is you or not. And I’m thinking, I’ll forget every single name, in Egypt. Since. This means nothing. And you’re not jared. I’m crazy. And I’m typing to no one. You dont even know how this had felt for me do you? Do you care? No. Likely not. So much i loved. I gave you all i had. All i got. I asked one thing. My sanity. And you couldn’t even give that to me. You are all dead. To me now. I’ve forgotten your names, since i dont know this bloggers name. And i will simply never return and watch the skeleton i saw take you all away. I’ll be sure to tell God, all about it, one day. I am forgiving. But you dont even understand do you? How deeply the pain, you have caused me. And you did not even care. To find me or call me. You are dead to me. Eternally. Maybe. Is that a risk to be taking? I do not think so. Unwise. To doubt me. Surely i wasn’t an ordinary woman. To get rid of that serpent. Jesus is with me. The Presence surrounds me strongly. That. Is how i knew. Your names. Maybe. I figured i was just crazy. Imagining things. I’ve forgotten your names. And you are all dead to me. But this means nothing surely. Since I’m typing to nobody. It wasnt wise. To hurt Kalyn. As Kalyn. Is His. Beloved.

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  27. I gotta be honest with you, Kalyn is forgiving, but at the same time, if that is you, and I’m not stupid ya know, you know, you guys really really hurt my feelings. And I sometimes think that skeleton watches over you and over this situation because i have forgotten your names, and my wiser self tells me to burn this bridge from me and you guys. Forever. People that cannot even love, I feel, should never see God in Heaven. Take care. And see ya.

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  28. When I read these two things, I wonder how long you’ve known. Have you known all along, it was me? What was that word, hidden away? I’m wondering. I read these things, and I hear Jared. I’ll be okay 🙂 I’ll come back someday, when I’m the woman God always hoped I’d be. I cry reading these things. I will no longer be reading, anything. I’m sorry, Jared-san. I’ll remember you, and I’ll love you, I am so sure now, God wants me with you. I’ll always love you. I’ll keep you in prayer. And all you can do, is pray I find my way back to you, in some years 😊 Stay healthy, be prompt, and take care. My love will never, disappear 🤗 Until then, take care ❤️ When I read this, Jared, is all I can hear. His voice, is clear. As God’s voice, I’ve known, in my ears. When you see me again, do not fear. Because I’ve told you my name. It’s Kalyn. And I just want, always, what God wants for me. And He wanted, this person, for me. Eventually 🙂 Take care, Jared-san ❤️

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  29. But maybe I’ll find someone else, someone who has prophecy too, who would love me, true ❤️ cuz I actually still dont know if that is you. Jared-san 🙂 but even so, I’ll always love, and never forget, you. I’m pretty sure, God wanted me, with you though, asides the naughty bad dreams I’ve seen, there were also many filled with color and light too. Hopefully I’ll again see you, but I’m actually not sure, I believe that skeleton still may watch over you. Learn more of Jesus, read all about Him, know Him, before dying, wont you? In Heaven again, I hope to see you 🙂 God wanted me to marry, protective He is, but I could never marry just any random persons. I think it was very important, but I have trouble, trusting. Take care, Jared ❤️ but I actually still, dont know if thats you 🤗💫 cya!

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  30. Have you ever watched Beauty and the Beast? 😊 I related a lot to Emma Watson in the last remake, but it is the original Disney one I like the best I think 🙂 The beast looks like satan to me! So scary desu 😱 He reminds me of you, Jared-san 🤗 “until the last petal falls” lol jk. Maybe I’ll come across you again, someday 🙂 my name’s Kalyn, by the way. And that is what, you should call people by. Their names.

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  31. Kalyn is nothing :0 no one, is she. Her name is Kalyn, plain to see. And she is a girl, a female, a woman, plain as day. Not any normal human, can make demons, and that serpent, run away 😊 Maybe we’ll meet again someday. Or maybe, I have forgotten, your names 🤗

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  32. True though. Why dream of me? Why not, someone else? Why do you see me when you dream? Why not, anyone but me? That is the question I’ve been puzzling 🙂 I hope you can learn more of your gift, of prophecy. I believe it came with me. As He is with me. Faith. Awakens things. And you start to see. But not all things are from God, the differences, are good to make. Then you would understand better, the gift to see. Why do you see, me? That is puzzling indeed 😊 Jaa mata.

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  33. It is also in the spiritual battle of online bloggers no one has seen but me. You doubt and question haha but i could show it to you right away 🙂 i know my true name. And yet, it is Kalyn, to me. And i no longer care, about Egypt. Or what anyone could ever again, say of me. Because i know who i am, already.

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  34. You really don’t know me. And I actually don’t know who you are. And I don’t know if the other blogger is you or Scott or anyone else. Use you? For what? I loved Jared. I loved him with no explaining other than when he sang that song, I loved him. It was all I could hear. It’s still, such a beautiful song. But Jared. Jared judged me wrong from the beginning. I did indeed go through a battle of online bloggers all alone. And i do not give one crap anymore, if you believe me or not. Writing of making a church, it was the call I heard. But i think that call, was actually, this church. As I do not like speaking. I’m shy. I dont want to pretend to be something I’m not anymore. I write. I got a job. I don’t even have to fight, ever since God shown me His way, I’ve taken flight. And i forget. I dont care to know things or keep them in memory. Things that dont even matter. When the truth is so plain to see. Hurting? Pain? Questioning who I am? My sanity? My heart? My integrity? From the beginning. Who do you think you are? And also, who do you think I am? Asides Kalyn. And Jared. I was told people would fear me. Because strong is He, who is with me. The God of all Creation, His Son Jesus, the Holy Spirit. My faith is unswerving. Surely you haven’t known me. And yet still, judging. If that blogger is you, what I’m wondering, is why you see me. Why not see someone else? Why are you being showed those things? And who is it from? Is it colorful? Full of light? Are they from God? The number of them I have are nearly 200 now. But not all of them are from God, I know this now. The super vivid ones, the long winding ones, like an adventure, colorful, full of light, agreeing with scripture. Those are from God. And who was I Jared-san? Who was I to question, there was someone to meet, my husband? As if that’s what I want. Or even now, want. I’m sick of men. I’m tired of being hurt by them. I am shy and quiet. And i dont want to be something important not. I type. I write. That’s all. Use you? For what? I loved you. I gave all I had for you to know Jesus, my heart, my love. And no. Maybe you do not want to know of my relationship with God. You likely cannot even feel how I feel, the pain, I’ve got. No. Sports. Strengthening your walk. Because you did not believe in Jesus. That was why I was sent, to love. And die apparently. Yay 🤗 why dream of me? Why not dream of someone else? Goodbye, Jared-san ❤️ or random blogger…

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  35. Oh and I’m not sure who that pig was portrayed in that dream, but i saw another vision of God’s wrath into a square from a circle cutting him, likely Heaven they will not see, pray for them, over them, such a thing.

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  36. When I awoken that morning you had done that preaching, I heard one repeated thing, repeated, from my dreams, God, speaking to directly, to me. Being portrayed as the other woman, the whore, was the test of my faith, the battle for my soul happened to me. The battle of online bloggers no one has seen, but me. I do not question who I am. I do not care what you think me to be. Because God revealed it to me. Israel, He called me. A stubborn and rebellious youth, He said to me, but chosen, beloved, as I would portray both women for all to see. Demons attacked me. Calling my sins, making me upset, and many other things. But I already heard what name, God had called me. In my own name. Lest I known, from the beginning. Before I knew it myself, before I knew Him, I was chosen and set apart, for great things. Things prepared so much in advance, for me. You cannot tell me, who I am, asides Kalyn. And I have already heard the name, God given me. That is why, to you there, in Egypt. That is why I frown on you, and consider it had been foolish, to make a mockery of me. As it is not normal is it? For a woman to know, your name, without knowing. For you there I can only pray, but that skeleton watches over you, and the accusers and persecutors, of God’s Child, even today. For you I can only, pray. But God has told me, never to return there to you, and Egypt, ever again. But if I am seen wandering around, always consider me, a friend. As my name is only, Kalyn, to me 🙂 and in truth, even with such authority, I do not care to be anything. Asides the only name my parents named me. Chosen to portray, as I am INFJ personality, and Jesus has favored me. Fixing me up inside, still rebellious am I. But the crown of His eyes. His Bride. There is no pride. It is only, to question who I am, my sanity, demons shaming me, the enemy using all of it against of me, the beautiful gift of prophecy. That is not something God wants for me. Such an interesting thing. An interesting story. I’m given success in battles before me, hired and chosen on the spot, to save money to give it all I got. Because. God is with me. I’ve been shown married in dreams. That’s what God wanted for me. But I do not approve, of anybody, anymore. And i do not trust anybody, anymore. But only God can bring me to that final shore. Where there is no more pain and hurting, sin or evil, demons, anymore. Israel, Daughter Zion, was always a rebellious one, but even so, she has always been, God’s beloved. The battle I experienced all my own, is insight I hope to give the world. That we do have souls. But the battle for mine, has already been won though. Bought at a price long ago. The testimony of Jesus in faith I alone. God had sent Him, long ago. At work on me, all life long. Love. An important song. I hope you learn of it, in your heart, feel of it, until you go home. Best example of love: God allowed them, the people He hoped to save, to kill, His Son, that was how much God loved. I stay true to this truth, no matter what I do. Because so much Lord Jesus, must have loved me, too. To touch His cloak, my faith would heal me. In faith alone, His power healing. Faith. Such power to me. These are things I think of, constantly, reflecting. How much God must have loved me, for Him to send His Spirit, to speak to me. But I find, it is true wisdom, to know nothing. To have a relationship with Him, praying, reading, singing, pure, loving. That is what God wants more from all people, more than anything. He does not want us to know things, worship things with zero eternal value or meaning. But it is the heart, as you can see, He will see. And it wad because of my heart, He had chosen me. Pain. As INFJ, deeply hurts, me. But on my soul, inside always, He does His work, from the inside out, in me. I have known the name He had called me. But my name is Kalyn. To me. He does not like those, who hurt me. He protects me, without me even saying a thing! A bad prophetic word against Egypt? Maybe. As I found it wiser, to not know a thing. But the word did not come, from me. I just warn. As bad things happen to those places, I’ve known hurting. It has always happened from before Chris ever left me. But I never understood why or the meaning. Until God revealed Himself to me, in such glory. To give me such an interesting revelation story. In actuality I ever prayed mercy. But to return there, is not what God wants for me. Goodbye. Jared-san 🙂

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  37. I’m tired honestly. Of feeling crazy. And I’m tired of men hurting me. I think you’re the last love I’ll have had, and most important, to me. Because maybe one day in Heaven, you again, I’ll see 🙂 But in Egypt there, God does not want me. Even so, I know it was you, and me. The Genesis. Adam and Eve. But you know Jared-san, I think its the men, who should lead. 😊 But as judges and prophets of old like Deborah, I am not one to question, who God calls on. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, and who He is with, gender does not fall on. God wanted a husband for me, after being put through hell. And it was you, my heart ever fell. But if you are Jared or not, you never did tell. I personally didnt want you, to go to hell 😔

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  38. I think I’m going to die Jared-san 🙂 I’ve been shown this many times. That I do not have much time to live 🙂 I think it’s funny sometimes, that I stayed alive then, only to die, for Him. But personally I thought I escaped that covenant of death, but I think maybe it was written in, since before we met. Even so, I haven’t done all that was asked of me yet, and I’ll accomplish it, before I’m dead 🤗 But you know, I really fell for you that day, when you sang that song, you must’ve heard me sing 😌 but that song means much more, to me. Because sometimes i feel only God alone, loves me 🙂 Goodnight.

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  39. Oh and i really really do not approve of those two hearts. Jeanette. Your mom too. Just very rude. I can feel how they feel about me. And i think they are just mean and rude. Haha Pharisees really. Cannot even see someone who God made and loved and thought to create, right infront of them, face to face. Kalyn. Thats why name. And i do not like them, specifically. Even so, kalyns are so forgiving 😌

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  40. I think I’m crazy too 🙂 When people tell other people you are a certain thing, and you know about it, you start to believe it too. It cuts even deeper, when that person, you really loved. I’ve been trying to make sense of something I don’t know a thing about. I was surprised but not really, that the church I’m currently attending is having a month of reset. God always goes ahead of where I go. Preparing the messages to hear. I thought it was weird at first. But it started making sense later, that with Him, I have made a lasting covenant. He knows my sins. But God loves and calls me by name. He waits so patiently for me to change. I just try my best with what I have given me. It is not my fault God allowed this life for me. He has been working on me, while I thought we were mending a church, it’s funny, He’s actually been trying so hard to mend me. He’s protective of me. I think its so interesting though, so obviously meant to meet. You and me. Adam and Eve. But I’m not suitable to be married. And i dont want to marry someone who doesn’t actually love me. Besides I do not know anybody. And maybe I dont want to. Being alone with God when Chris left, raising my hands to Him, spending all day praying and reading back then, He was greater than any love or friend. And I knew all I needed was Him. It was when I met these two bloggers that strange things happened. I went through a battle all alone online, random bloggers would come to my site, i would visit their blogs and it literally made me wonder if angels and demons could make blogs too somehow or if they were real people. Their blogs contained very scary things, satan, it was the battle i went through, all alone. It made me fall back into this depression and anxiety again, I feel as though maybe God was allowing this testing, to see if I would stay living. It’s been hard to make sense of what I experienced. Even to type it is hard to explain. But it is no lie. And no one knows the truth but me, and I dont care to prove it to you. In the Spirit I would write, but writers are crazy, they enter whatever world and make their story. Even so, i was indeed trying to make sense of something, that never before happened to me. When the Holy Spirit had come to me. Not all dreams are good, and definitely if i knew the true meanings, I wouldn’t have shared. I honestly thought it meant love. I thought you loved me. And now you dont even understand do you? The pain ive been feeling? Shame. Cannot even show my face. No. You do not care how it was a mistake. And how much pain. People do not care about ‘losers’ like me. That’s exactly why i feel, He chose me though. Because I honestly do not have a thing. And i am content being alone with God, wasting it all, on Him, growing close to Him, trying my best to quit, praying in truth, little by little, do what I can do. The same person who walked through the fire, the refining flame, is never the same. That is why, i am not one to judge, by past mistakes. By what anyone but they say. I have only felt rude and ugly hearts, judging me. And that is something i cannot approve, and that is something, God does not want for me. As my husband, it would be your job you know, to protect me from such things and people. That is why, i am upset. And maybe. I am just crazy. Or maybe. I have anxiety. I found that i dont know anything :0 all I know is God. Love. Forgiving. Thats all i really know, all my life perfected to. Love. And forgive. You. Yes, writers are crazy. You have to be crazy, if you think you can write a thing and make money. But that is what i have seen, God always wanted for me. God always wanted to protect me. When He revealed His covenant with me, He revealed how beloved I was, how He was always watching me, waiting. And He also revealed how every tear i ever cried, how He always wanted to protect me. That is why, now He had came to me, in such glory. And gave me such an interesting gift and revelation-like story. But in actuality, my name is Kalyn. Thats all I am. Nothing. But i really hoped you’d have heard what ive been saying. I think it truly was you, meant to meet, and marry. There was none other, God wanted for me. The dreams of light and color, vivid, i am sure, those are from God. And to be married, is not against the word. I do not want to. If you do not want to though. And besides. To find and tell me the truth, you never could. But a real man, to me, would. I believe it was important for some reason, but i dont know those reasons. For some reason I keep missing Erin. I’d text or call but i deleted all your names and numbers from my book. Heh. My phone book. It was too painful. It still is. Because I think you asked everyone, asides Kalyn. Who Kalyn. Is. You did not get to know. I do not like this. What I wanted to know. Was if I knew your names. That was all. But no one ever told. No one cared to call. To tell if i knew those names or not. Its the one thing i wanted. To know if you were, Jared or not. But I’m fine to believe im crazy, as long as you acknowledge you know nothing and dont know a single thing about me. But a part of me tells me, I’m not crazy. And I do, know your name. Like I had told you Jared-san. I indeed had soul mates to meet 😊 because this plot to make me feel sadness again and pain and shame, happened, but even so, i am a human you know. And i dont approve of people who are basically like poison and negative to my thoughts and soul, or i would have killed my myself oh ages ago. Strong. A fighter. I always was though. I never liked people making me feel crazy. Because i know I’m not. If you could only know what things ive known, feeling as deeply as i feel, I’d doubt any of you would be alive to tell the tales. I really doubt you would. And no devil in hell, can prevent what God has ordained. Such a blessing I feel, given to me. I was never your enemy. I was very confused, trying very hard to make sense of your word game and trying hard to make sense of all of it. Yes. Indeed. Maybe i am crazy. But writers should be crazy. And to write and publish of these things, just try and stop me. Because i know to write of it, is what God wants of me. Even though I’ve only been in a lot of pain, recently. Always I will find my way, with Him protecting me 😌 ❤️ personally I think we’re going to get married someday lol but maybe i dont know a thing at all 😊 Goodbye, Jared-san 🤗

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  41. I liked this side of you better 😌 the loving one. The kind one. The fearful one. I don’t regret love. I regret not taking risks and chances. I regret not doing something, not saying something, vs regretting never saying it or doing it. I do like regrets. So i do not keep them. Instead I just give them to God. See how He handles it 😌 Simple. You do not know me. And now you never will. Goodbye. Jared-san 🙂

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  42. I have something hidden away. The words I could never tell you face to face. Star crossed is what we are. But at least I’ll see you again in Heaven now, someday 🙂 The words I will never tell you face to face, I loved you, I do, even today. But it is just pure luck isn’t, terrible, fate. If you ever saw me again, never be afraid. Because my name is Kalyn. It’s my only name. I loved you so much, I wanted to see you again in Heaven, someday. In this life we go about our days. But in your heart, my love will stay. But you and I are a special breed. God is with us now, you and me. But He is protecting me from something very wrong happening. But i was quite sure you know 😌 in faith, that I had soul mates. But not all soul mates are meant to marry, sometimes they only carry, to the person God wants you to be, more courageous, more daring. Bold and brave are the Godly. But as a woman, who loves God, not just any random man could i ever marry. Only someone who would ever put God, before me. But Kalyn is tired of men, and tired of hurting. Kalyn will do what God asked of me. And He will, provide some way, always. Do not worry of me. Do not think of me. But always remember, the loving heart, I gave. We are not meant to be, married. Unconditional love, forgiveness, is known, to come from me. Even to those. Who have deeply hurt me. But to be around them, to allow them into a place to hurt me anymore, as Brendan, I do not allow this for me. Only in my heart, do they remain. Remembering. Always. I only know one name. That is how you’ll remember me. And continue to feel my heart, through my writing. And never again, judge me, or hurt me. I was not seeking something, God did not want me to find. The love I have in my heart, lasts, for all time. Even if they are not, mine. Only God can accept you to heaven though, and if He is more so than any human, even more than me, how forgiving He must be to you. Still, i want no part again, with you, and Egypt. Goodbye. Jared 😊

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  43. I love God above all things in my heart. Test and know the truth. I also know, there is none other, in this lifetime to meet, who will compare, with you. I have tested your heart, to truth. We will depart together, someday, me and you. Our time here is limited, on earth, but I have been told, only to love you. I say this as your sister, your love, as Kalyn, to you. But if you are Jared, you understand, you are man, not a woman, dont you? Simple. Plain. Is the truth. My name is Kalyn. Who. Are. You 😌

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